Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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