dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
