I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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