your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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