An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
