I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
