The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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