Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
