i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
