All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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