Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
