I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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