There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
