She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize