I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
