Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
