Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
