I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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