Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
