Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
