Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i've created a new STD.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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