have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
