i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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