dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
