you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
