Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize