And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
