The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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