You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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