Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
sarcasm needs its own font
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
