There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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