Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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