I CAN MOONWALK!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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