my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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