Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
