...so i touched it.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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