My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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