I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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