I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
