Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
