so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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