So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
