My nipple is on Facebook.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My hand turned me down
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize