How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
