is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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