Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
