i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
