Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
