In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
