I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize