doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
