I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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