why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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