Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
