your room smells of hookers.
And success
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
