I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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