I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
