if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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