I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
