wat bout pragnant strippers??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
