the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
