the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
