remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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