I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
