The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
