Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
