the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
