How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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