This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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