Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
