hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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